I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
We need to get me chipped asap
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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