you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
sex in a hospital.. check
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Ladies don't puke and tell
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
There's even glitter on my cock...
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