and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
