He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Boobs speak an international language.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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