i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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