I cut my penus on the lid.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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