I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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