he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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