I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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