I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
