Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
