You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
