we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
