she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
