I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
