I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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