Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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