At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
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