It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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