We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
