what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
