You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
