I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i think i have herpe
just one?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
