my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
