I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
