please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
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