I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
