my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
