he shaved USA in his pubs
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
