Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
