i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
