Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
