He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
