Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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