I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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