I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
