she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
