Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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