a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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