We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
