guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
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