I just cut my nipple shaving
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
