we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
