Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
