That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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