She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
