Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
