I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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