My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
