My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
