so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
