By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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