Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
