I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
