you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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