she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
